Cafeteria workers cannot be trusted, regardless of their casserole knowledge. Two quarters can net you a questionable prize from the claw machine of confiscated contraband. Exciting mascot(s) news! The mail room has a new, warty staff member. Cat got your tongue? Get in line, buddy. Thanks to our sponsors, A Comprehensive List of Animals I Regularly Punch in the Face by Ann Hammerfist, and Regurgitade. Music for this episode was performed by Mosscrotch. Find their full album at Mosscrotch.bandcamp.com
 This month's parody song is Oh MacGyver, a silly version of Holy Diver by Dio. Lyrics: Oh Macgyver, won't you save me from this laboratory? Chocolate will stop this acid leak. Swiss Army Knifer, hasn't fired a gun except in episode 1. Boy, that was quickly retconned. He's never frightened. Against an army, he won't abandon you, squishing ant sunder his shoe. Cook out! See him transforming things that don't explode into things that now explode, inconveniencing his foes. Gotta build a plane out of sticks and hay. Beneath the mullet lies a sensitive man who feels. I'm not saying he cries, but that hairdo could conceal... tears! Oh Macgyver, rolling mop buckets into laser gates. Watch them discombobulate. Zap! Zap! Stealing disguises, blending in with guards to remain unseen—he's low-key sabotaging. Oh Macgyver, living in a houseboat along the sea, has no living progeny. Or does he? Quite the fighter—with a single strike you'll be knocked out clean. Freeze frame, fade out while smiling. Gotta find a way; help me to escape; I'd appreciate if you'd unlock this gate. Oh Macgyver, hold me tighter. Kiss you on the cheek. Oh Macgyver, mountain climber, there's an Axminster dude coming after you, oh Macgyver. Oh Macgyverrr... Angus!

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