Stutz Dr Theo





I would be fine if I knew what direction to go in I would fly instead I become lazy




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We also discussed the first step in therapy which is connecting with your internal energy

You do that in 3 steps:

1: Diet exercise and sleep 

2: Connecting with others as we are tribal

3: Connecting with yourself your underlying feelings which is self awareness most effectively done by self journaling.





The Part X is  that part of you stopping forward progress which could include the Shadow self or the Maze or the Snap Shot or simply the judgmental antisocial part of you. Eg you’ll never be good at that, or who wants to do that , or you are wasting your time trying this. Radical acceptance is a tool to help you get over something bad. Grateful Flow helps deal with negative thoughts and Loss processing deals with loss


The key is to understand that for forward progress  and overcome Part X you need to go through a life time of:

Uncertainty pain and constant work. It is this process you need to enjoy ie the journey rather than the destination.It is overcoming Part X that leads to growth.

Failure pain embarrassment connects you to the universe you are saying I need your help I cannot do this without you.


Stutz says confidence is an appetite for uncertainty . I say this is not true because confidence is knowing how to do something which by definition is being certain.

Rather self esteem is an appetite for uncertainty because  self esteem is the degree of positivity with which you view yourself and therefore an expectation of positive outcome . If things do not go well self esteem protects you from the negative effects and instead helps you learn and move on and  apply those lessons in your next steps.


I am the one who gets to decide and take the next step. It will almost certainly be imperfect but progress is made by taking the steps  aka string of pearls each with a turd in them


Indeed research shows that dopamine hits come from achievement and reward in general but it is much greater if the reward is unexpected. Hence watching sport has an element of unpredictability which is why so many people enjoy it.  . Indeed when Formula 1 became too predictable the audience ratings fell so they changed the rules to make it more unpredictable. It is a positive expectation of an outcome that raises dopamine rather than the known outcome itself. The positive outcome will raise dopamine only if is unexpected. This explains how you can enjoy the journey of uncertainty pain and constant work. Your self esteem gives you an expectation of a positive outcome. It is the positive anticipation raising dopamine that makes this process enjoyable. This is especially important because it helps with sense of achievement and growth. The greater the effort the more meaningful the achievement. This then enables the parallel step of balance : Effort and reward must be balanced. Since more of life is effort rather than the result then the mechanism of being able to tolerate the effort is a  positive expectation of success. Once you put in the effort the sense of achievement is fulfilling and makes you grow. Positive self esteem also helps us use failure as a growing opportunity and simply includes  lessons learnt as part of the effort to  the next step all under the umbrella of positive expectation of overall outcome.


Snap Shot relates to setting of a goal  eg the perfect wife, the perfect success , the perfect amount of money in the bank which is static concept and has  no depth and does not allow for ongoing progress with pain uncertainty and constant work. There is no perfect nirvana. Goals are illusionary needs and living life like this is one of the worst inventions of the Western World. 

When the snap shot does not give you nirvana and cure your inner unhappiness you get much more depressed.




The Shadow is the part of yourself you are ashamed of.:


This is how I see myself and I felt so much shame that I was denying myself and  and others would no longer see this if i got more successful


Visualist a time in your life you felt inferior embarrassed ,rejected, despondent ashamed its a part of yourself that you that you wish you were not and you cannot get rid of


How does he feel about you, how you have dealt with him how you have treated him and see what he says



Denying and being ashamed of it


THe shadow feels hurt angry and upset


The shadow wants attention not from the world -does not need an academy award-  but from you


The shadow wants to be acknowledged and included and celebrated as a beautiful part of you


So in high pressure high stakes situations the goal is not create a faultless performance but to include the shadow self and tolerate whatever happens.


Because if I cam content with my true self then other peoples opinions affect him less


Ignore the shadow self and he will make you do destructive things.


Connecting with your shadow self and having a sense of wholeness means you are happy the way you are, you don’t need to anything else to make you feel better.itis very freeing


Maze refers to when someone does an injustice to you and you remain angry seeking or hoping for restitution which usually never comes. Stutz says instead take the love you wanted from the world around you  Active Love - you are unlikely to be paid back by the person so you may as well take it from the universe around you.  by closing your eyes and imagining this is happening then concentrating it in your heart and then sending it and physically feeling it go into the other person so that you become one with love. This is not for their good it is for your own good to free you from the maze. In terms of my coaching this reflects forgiveness but is not as powerful as understanding. For instance you can understand why something happens because it is in someone's nature. That does not need forgiveness.  It requires understanding of reality and what is possible and what you can then do about it. You understand their nature and have expectations according to their nature and act accordingly. For instance you dont put your hand in the mouth of a tiger. You now it will probably bite and you certainly dont get angry.

Ask yourself do you want to be right or do you want to create something.




Radical acceptance: when something bad happens you don't just think that you will sooner or later recover from it, or stay stuck in a cycle of self pity ,you have to squeeze the juice out of it. Learn your lessons in whatever happens

First: dont tell yourself anything negative

Second: find something that is positive about it

So squeezing the juice out of it suggests that not only do you have the will but also the faith that there is something valuable there

If you see all events as having value you are in the zone of tremendous opportunity


The Grateful Flow wants to choose the positives. Every thought will affect your mood whether positive or negative. 

Part X wants you to have the negative thoughts to just see clouds even though sun is behind the clouds and coming. The grateful flow is not the grateful thoughts but the process.

You name 4 things that you are grateful for, the smaller the better as you can connect better then continue in your head. After a while you feel you will create another grateful thought but you dont you block it  so all you feel is the force that would create a grateful thought and as it gets stronger and stronger you  feel taken over by it.

You don't just repeat the same grateful thoughts you look for new ones and that process of creating grateful thoughts will change your mood.

Gratefulness is a state you want to be in as much as possible. It helps you break through the cloud,

What you don't do is argue with negative thoughts. You cant reason with emotion.


Loss Processing:


The potency of Non attachment . You want to pursue it  and pursue it hard but you are willing not to have it, you are willing to lose

Think of something you don't want to lose and imagine grasping it like you are hanging onto the branch of a tree. Then visualise letting go but its not a bad sensation.Its slow and gentle to your surprise.

Then you say silently I am willing to lose everything but really feel the intent behind that. Then you imagine you fall into the sun and burn up losing your body (so you lose everything) and instead become part of the suns rays radiating out a very loving giving outflowing sensation and that sun is surrounded by other sons doing the same thing as part of the sun world all saying we are everywhere.

All you can do is give you cant take. You cant grasp onto anything.

If you have difficulty with that then think of yourself as moving towards non attached. In fact as a human it would not be good if you were totally non attached.

If you are moving towards non attachment then no one thing or person leaving you can take away your sense of wholeness.


Happiness depends on how you accept that  you cannot completely figure things out and what you do about it. 



RAGL The Active Love, Grateful Flow , Loss Acceptance,Radical Acceptance