Stop Being a Victim! Become a Victor! How? Through Forgiveness!

Forgiveness Removes the Victim Mentality
What is victim mentality?
Someone with victim mentality is one who tends to blame others for the bad things that happen to them. This person thinks, feels, speaks, and acts as if he or she is permanently damaged by the negative actions of others — even if it is not true. Their whole life is dominated by this mindset.
The negative consequences of victim mentality
Someone with a victim mentality constantly tells stories of their grievances. When we are hurt, we want the whole world to know what our offender did to us. We talk about how our friend took our job and almost made us lose our home. We talk about how our other friend betrayed us, how our brother is not helping us, or even how our sister stole the man we were supposed to marry.
Repeating an offense to paint a bad image of our offender is what psychologists call a “grievance story.” The sad thing is that while we may feel empowered when we are attacking someone else’s image, we really are not getting anywhere with it. It does not make us feel better. Unfortunately, it does not end there; there are several repercussions. Let’s take a look at some of them.
•When we are offended and we keep telling others about it, we present ourselves as a helpless and weak victim.
•Our offender, whom we despise, is on the other hand presented as strong and powerful.
•In repeatedly declaring our weaknesses, we are establishing the fact in our hearts that we are indeed weak. That was not our intention nor is it our desire.
•Every time we retell our story, we may experience the pain at a deeper level because our emotions are beginning to match the words that come out of our mouths.
•As we continue to blame our offender for placing us in the position we are currently in, we feel helpless, and thus we start to think helplessly.
•Following through on those thoughts and feelings, we act accordingly. We feel there is nothing we can do about our situation since it is someone else’s fault and therefore there is nothing we can do about it. In our mind, unless our offender does something to change the situation, we cannot move on from where we are. It feels like our fate is in their hands.
•As we continue to retell our grievance story, another factor appears. We begin to exaggerate the offense in our minds, to drown in the ever-increasing pain inside us. As the pain grows, so does our negative view of the person who offended us. At this point, our reality becomes distorted.
•Having painted our offender with a deeper dye than was originally necessary, we now find it difficult to forgive. Their offense has grown even larger because of the emotions we have attached to it. Their offense now seems unforgivable. We think it is a humongous task to forgive such a grievous offense. We have made a mountain out of a molehill.
•We feel drained, powerless and helpless every time we are done retelling our tale.
The list goes on. A life of complaining and finding fault with everything and everyone is strongly discouraged in Scriptures.
Do all things without murmurings and disputings
(Philippians 2:14).
Forgiveness will turn us into conquerors
In an imperfect world, there will be many occasions where we will be rejected. We are not the only people who will end up being hurt. Forgiveness will allow us to overcome this idea that everyone is against us. Or that everyone hates us. Or that we are being targeted. Or the creation of our own reasons as to why people behave negatively towards us. Forgiveness is a release from victim mentality because we are releasing our offender of their culpability.
When we forgive, we let go of their offense or their wrongdoing; and in doing so we reject the thing that made us a victim. The forgiveness we lavish on our offender is the best antidote to overcome victim mentality.
When I lost my husband and three children to a drunk driver, I knew instinctively that I could not allow myself to become the victim in this situation. I am not and never was a victim. The action of the drunk driver has indeed altered my life, but I refused to conceive the idea that my life was in his hands. I could not give him such power. If I had, my drive and zest for life would have diminished. I would have been in despair. In forgiving him, I could go on with my life and rebuild it from there. This mindset preserved me from looking at life as hopeless.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us (Romans 8:37).
Forgiveness has many benefits for someone with a victim mentality.
•Forgiveness will change our grievance story to a testimony. Instead of a sad story, we now have the story of a conqueror, a survivor.
•Forgiveness puts us in the driver’s seat. We take control of our destiny. Forgiveness deviates our focus from their offense and places it on how to make our lives better.
•Forgiveness frees us from negative emotions. We no longer grieve over their offense because we have forgiven them. Our emotions have bounced back.
In conclusion, forgiveness is the joyful tale of someone who was once a victim of injustice and has now reclaimed his freedom. Forgiveness changes our grievance story to a testimony of how God brought us through a difficult time. Reclaim your life today, and go from being the victim to being a victor.
Forgiveness Prayer
Lord, I thank you today because I have become a survivor and a victor. You helped me realize that I must forgive those who have caused me so much pain. I release them today. My life is in your hands and yours only. I forgive them and release them in Jesus’ name.
 Discussion
1. Have you ever acted the victim? What were the results?
2. Have you ever become frustrated with someone else for playing the victim? Describe what happened.
3. How does forgiveness let you be in control in your life?
4. What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in this episode?