The Wonderfully Weird World of Domestic Goats If you've never had the pleasure of spending quality time with a goat, you're really missing out on one of life's simple joys. These mischievous, endearingly strange little ruminants are guaranteed to put a big silly grin on even the most cynical of human faces. While cows get all the credit for providing us milk and other dairy products, domestic goats often get overlooked despite being every bit as productive, charismatic, and flat-out entertaining. Sure, some people may turn up their noses at the very idea of a barnyard goat. But I'd wager those persnickety naysayers simply haven't taken the time to get to know these comical, resourceful creatures. Once you've been properly acquainted with the domestic goat, you'll understand why keeping them as family pets and livestock companions has become so popular. Because there's so much more to goats than meets the eye! Just to set the record straight - goats are not merely smaller, hornier versions of sheep. While they are both cloven-hoofed ruminant mammals, goats belong to the species Capra hircus, while sheep fall under the genus Ovis. So despite their superficial resemblances, goats and sheep are only very distantly related, having diverged on the evolutionary family tree eons ago. This ancestral distinction reveals itself in goats' unique physical traits and unparalleled personalities. So let's start by dispelling a few of the most egregious misperceptions about these wonderful weirdos of the domesticated herd.  Goats do not, in fact, eat everything and anything in sight. They are incredibly food selctive nibblers and browsers. Their unique toothed tongues allow them to carefully seek out the most nutritious shoots, leaves, fruits, and shrubs rather than indiscriminately raze whole landscapes to the nub. While goats will nibble on things like scrap paper or clothing when bored, they don't actually consume or digest those items. So you won't have to stress about losing your favorite sweater to a goat's infamous appetite.  Goats have also been saddled with an unfair reputation as home-devouring suburban hellions. While it's true they are uniquely gifted at climbing trees, rocks, and even rooftops in their never-ending quest for the tastiest vegetation, goats would much prefer to spend their days grazing than deliberately demolishing your property. When it comes to head butting and battling horns, the often pugnacious males of the herd do enjoy a little friendly rambunctiousness from time to time. But the vast majority of domestic goats today, both male and female, are born conveniently hornless ("polled") or have their horn buds disbudded shortly after birth. So there's no need to fret over having your shins battered black and blue by their formidable noggin gear.  Speaking of bucks (the fellas) and does (the ladies), goats possess one of the most entertaining and complex social structures in the entire animal kingdom. Their behavioral patterns, vocalizations, and expressions are endlessly hilarious to observe and experience. From the spirited head butting and clashing horns of dominant billies to the soft, polite bleating and gentle chuffing sounds of friendly does, getting to know the unique dynamics of a goat herd is an absolute treat for the senses. Maintaining harmony and order among household goats involves plenty of goofball antics - from pronking, which is like the goat version of a spastic jumping jig, to obediently scheduling fainting spells in exchange for a few tasty pellets (yes, some breeds can simply pass out on command to avoid conflict). There's no such thing as a dull moment around the ol' goat pen! Perhaps my favorite pastimes are watching a contented goat slowly and methodically chewing endless tufts of grass with their lateral ruminant jaws while gazing blankly off into space. I've seen many a stressed-out person or anxious child gradually unwind to a tranquil state by merely sharing quality time and observing goats engage in that simple, zen-like activity. And then there are the infamous vocalizations - those hilarious drama queeny bleats, grunts and yells that goats delight in lobbing our way whenever they're feeling amorous, hungry, or just plain perturbed by something. Herding pet goats can feel like starring in an impromptu play written by the Bard himself some days, what with all the bleating soliloquies and melodramatic grandstanding they seem to revel in. It's a symphony of farmyard absurdity that's guaranteed to shatter your sides laughing. So what's the appeal of keeping goats as household companions and livestock?  Well, for starters, they're fabulous providers of fresh, nourishing dairy products. While cow's milk tends to get all the attention and mainstream distribution channels in North America, many cultures around the world revere goat's milk as a superfood worthy of daily consumption. Goat's milk is higher in protein, calcium, riboflavin and other key vitamins and minerals than typical cow's milk. It's also lower in cholesterol and possesses a host of probiotic cultures that make it easier to digest for those with sensitive stomachs or lactose intolerances. Goats will eat and forage on foods that cattle can't begin to process, further enhancing the nutrient profile and diversifying the terroir of their milk. In other words, you won't find a healthier beverage straight from nature's udder than that produced by a joyous little Nubian or LaMancha goat. Plus, just like cows, goats can produce a stunning array of cheeses, butters, yogurts and other scrumptious dairy delicacies. But flavors are more distinct, textures more complex, and health benefits more robust compared to industrial cow dairy -- assuming you have a trusty dairy goat companion on hand, that is. Beyond their milking capabilities, domestic goats are highly valued as sustainable self-mowing machines. Thanks to their shrewd browsing and grazing habits, a petite herd of goats can quickly and efficiently clear a pasture, field or thicketed area of bramble, weeds, invasive plants and other nuisance vegetation. Without the need for herbicides, honking loud gas guzzling mowers or other aggressive removal methods, goats are a gentle, eco-friendly weed whacker solution on four furry feet. This is why municipalities, utility crews, and environmental agencies around the country have integrated goat herds into their noxious plant eradication programs. Those dexterous muzzles and foraging tongues can defoliate and eradicate nuisance species far cheaper and more efficiently than human or industrial efforts. Furthermore, those tasty little ruminants produce some of nature's most potent fertilizer - their palatable pelletized droppings (a.k.a. "goat raisins") make vegetable and crop yields explode with minimal environmental impact. Free organic fertilizer and weed control in one handy hooved package? Yes please! No wonder the charming dairy goat lays claim to being one of humanity's most indispensable domesticated animals. Of course, we would be remiss if we didn't mention goats' many other productive capabilities in addition to dairy, vegetation management, and garden dressing services. Their soft, lustrous fiber coats yield some of the most luxurious wool, fleece and cashmere in the world. You'll definitely want to invest in a quaint little herd just to experience the simple tactile pleasures of shearing a goat's silken, warming strands each spring. Imagine whiling away the hours creating handmade garments, blankets or fabrics from your goats' fiber! Alpaca, move over - goat wool is the new naturalist craze sweeping the sustainable homesteader scene these days. Goat meat - or chevon - is the most widely consumed protein on planet Earth for good reason. Relatively low fat while packing a nutrient dense punch, chevon is enjoyed in diverse culinary traditions worldwide. From Mexican barbacoa and biryani curries to the succulent spit-roasted cabrito dishes of France and Italy, goat meat offers a versatile, nuanced flavor profile somewhere between beef and lamb that can flavor pretty much anything deliciously. Not to mention how wonderfully eco-friendly and "closed loop" it is to raise your own sustainable meat source for the household.
Then we have the humble but always entertaining goat personality to consider. In addition to their playful social dynamics and mischievous antics, goats demonstrate a delightful combination of fearlessness, gentle affection, and emotional intelligence. They bond strongly with human families and readily learn to walk on a leash, do simple tricks and commands, greet visitors happily, and even work as attentive livestock guardian animals and herd-tending "supervisors."  Perhaps the greatest gift domestic goats offer us is their remarkable calm demeanor in interacting with children. Many well-socialized goats will allow kids to climb all over them, snuggle up for nap time, and even attempt to go for horseyback rides without ever registering anxiety or distress. Rarely will you encounter a more patient, endearing companion for your young ones than the humble domestic goat. I vividly recall my own boyhood afternoons sprawled in the shade beneath the backyard goat herd, losing myself in imagination as I leisurely watched them engage in their endlessly comical antics and quirky grooming rituals. They made the perfect four-legged babysitters and therapists rolled into one! Although the names tend to vary across cultures, some of the most popular domestic goat breeds seen in Western nations include the Nubian, La Mancha, Nigerian Dwarf, Anglo-Nubian, Alpine, Boer, Saanen and Oberhasli varieties. Each breed offers its own unique physical characteristics as well as traditional uses tailored to specific homesteading and agricultural priorities.  For example, the Nubian is one of the most widely kept dairy goats in North America, thanks to its impressive daily milk yield and adaptability to different clim