4 JUL 2024 · The result was the loss of a friendship. By the time I got the information necessary to understand someone, I had had to end the friendship.

2 JUL 2024 · I ran into a snag yesterday and I talked about how I noticed other people's reactions to a color that I wore to the IOP program. Unspoken reactions to possibly offensive behavior. Being an inquisitive individual is not easy especially when it's combined with the mental illness! You get called paranoid you get invalidated you get turned away. I was offended yesterday when I thought I was being snubbed for using something that helped my mental health such as a color.

1 JUL 2024 · I talk about the concept of hitting a "restore button" in our brains. I think about going back to February 10th when Olga, my limerent interest, asked if she could call me again after our initial phone date that day. Her not calling me the next day spoke volumes and I should have listened.

29 JUN 2024 · Closure is exactly what it is. It's closure. It's not wishful thinking. I sent Olga one last text and walked away. I may have to run into her when I'm checking the group posts at IOP because the posting is in the patio where she sometimes still sits for her lunch. But I am making a very big effort to do no contact from now on because of the way she acted last Thursday. That was the deal-breaker that was the last straw. That was the last reminder that I'm living in a fantasy. Time for me to face reality. She doesn't want me! Not even as a friend. From now on I follow the heart advice for limerent sufferers: STOP TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM. *NOW* !

28 JUN 2024 · Falling over and over again with Olga. When this time I thought she reached out to me. So I reached back and fell again.

26 JUN 2024 · I share my own experience and not telling anyone else to try what I'm doing. The point that I'm driving home here is feeling dignified and every person has their own way of doing that. Please consult with a trusted individual and brainstorm with them or do your own research on dealing with covert narcissistic abuse, as you are listening to this.

25 JUN 2024 · I talked about my ongoing situation where I feel hooked on a situation and unable to let go of it for the time being. I describe the dynamics and the forces that are keeping me this way. This is classic behavior of a narcissist or a toxic environment that we're trying to get out of but are unable to.

24 JUN 2024 · I discuss another litany of their behavior towards me. I began once again to suspect it was because that I'm I'm lgbtq+. Their latest excuse is that "my insurance doesn't cover the food and transportation". I inquired if it was the hospital paying for it and got no answer. I asked another trusted resource and they said that the patient was responsible for paying for additional services such as food and transportation. Most of us are on government health insurance. I don't think that's true. Even if it were maybe they're board and cares are paying for it? Whatever it is I'm getting many excuses not to be served lunch or driven. Not to mention one of the van drivers called My Lucy phone service and informed them that they "didn't want their help or assistance" . I can only imagine the caller's tone of voice.

21 JUN 2024 · What's the first word we hear, in our minds, when we hear the word "document"? "Record"? Well that might be illegal in some states. "Share it with a legal person"? Not always. I talked about how documenting at least to ourselves can help us stay in reality about the things that happened to us and what was done to us.

21 JUN 2024 · Please take care. Before you play this video understand this may be disturbing. Once again I reiterate how real the abuse is still happening in mental health care. I share my experience.