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A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 34 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner...
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A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 34 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more.
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Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups
Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups
Counsellor & Coach A.J. Mahari
Transcribed
27 OCT 2024 · What Is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation?
What is Borderline Transient Paranoid Ideation? What does it mean? How can does it manifest for people with BPD and how can you recognize it and understand its scope and effect on you? Why does this trait (number 9) along with how it drives BPD splits to devaluation cause so many BPD Breakups and so much heartbreak for people who loves someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Transcribed
15 OCT 2024 · Borderlines Just Aren't That In To You & The Emptiness of BPD Idealization
Borderlines just aren't that in to you, Codependents. The incredible emptiness of BPD idealization takes a long time to understand because it felt so great and felt and was too good to be true. BPD idealization just as BPD devaluation isn't about YOU. It's about who you represent unconsciously to un-treated person with Borderline Personality Disorder. You think you can do better, give more, understand more and do it differently and that it will make a difference - Nope! Codependents also often believe that they are so to blame for why people with BPD act out, act in, punish, as you walk on the impossible egg-shells. No matter what you, as a Codependent try to do differently, promise, change, fix and so on  - NONE OF IT will work because you are insignificant (for who you really are) to the Borderline.
For the Borderline, it's all about the Borderline. You are just the "object other" that they blame. They don't actually ever get to know who you really are as you lose yourself more and more to their lost selves as they seek to use (unconsciously often) to just survive. There's no excuse for what they do to you in their attempts (all about them) to just survive, seeking identity through you but not ever seeking to truly KNOW you!
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Transcribed
15 OCT 2024 · You Can't Give Borderlines What They Need They Don't Want It From You Anyway
Codependents can't give your Borderline what he or she needs. People with BPD really don't want what they need from you anyway. It's a lose-lose situationship. People with Codependency can't help a partner, or any loved one with BPD, you lost yourself trying, you don't get your needs met. And you can't satiate a person with BPD and the more you try, and try to love them, the more you will punished for your love and care. Codependents need to unlearn childhood woundedness and how it is repeating in all your externalizing out and endless focus on someone with BPD and on Borderline Personality Disorder itself. What about you?
https://ajmahari.ca/session
Transcribed
15 OCT 2024 · BPD Devaluation Introjected Codependent Responsibility Stop Internal Re-wounding
BPD devaluation and damage is introjected by Codependents. People with Codependency have a responsibility to stop internally re-wounding themselves internally. People with BPD damage people with Codependency who try to love them. Once you know what is happening, or what happened it is your responsibility to get into therapy and out of the relationship to break the betrayal bond and to learn how to stop over-focusing on the your Borderline Ex. It's so important to get out of denial and to stop abandoning yourself.
Codependency denied only exacerbates the internal critic that continues to internally re-wound your inner child and createsand continues your own inner critic to judge you so harshly as likely you were judged in childhood and by your BPD Ex.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Transcribed
3 OCT 2024 · BPD Discard Codependent Fantasy Pissing Into The Wind of Cognitive Dissonance
BPD discards (final or not when unknown) fuel codependent fantasy and leave people with Codependency essentially pissing into the wind - as if that would be any reality of "taking a shower". These relationships ruptures often ending over and over again, also can be likened to the title of Judge Judy's book, "Don't Pee on My Foot and Tell Me it's Raining" Trying to continue in theÂ
Codependent fantasy as this commenter I respond to does (with quite a twist near the end) means that in the cognitive dissonance of it all, the intermittent reinforcementof the still not broken trauma bond, so many with Codependency, on/off partners, Ex's in a limbo place as well continue to actually "piss into the wind" in a fantasy illusion that to do wo would mean you have taken a "shower".Â
In a relationship with an undiagnosed and/or untreated person with patterns of or with BPD being stuck in cognitive dissonance trying to figure out the Borderline, continuing to abandon yourself, perhaps as this commenter, while believing a desperate delusion that his Ex is getting closer to recovery or somehow will is the most agonizing height of so much pain and all of its rumination that
you feel like you just can't stop obsessing on.Â
See if you relate, at least in part, to this commenter and his torment of Codependent denial and not really understanding BPD while at the same time he truly pisses into the wind as if he awaits an actual shower.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Transcribed
25 AUG 2024 · BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?
So many people who have been in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD with Co-Morbid Narcissistic Personality Disorder are caught in a trauma bond ruminating and trying to figure out who is the person behind the idealization and love bombing when there isn't a "real person" inside at all, only a false self.Â
The intermittent reinforcement within the trauma bond with someone with BPD or BPD/NPD keeps Codependents stuck in circles of (often misinformation) trying to give their own explanations or
offer up erroneous ones or misinterpretations taken from perhaps listening to or reading too many contradictory sources online.
The person you fell in love with doesn't exist. The person behind the idealization and the love bombing is the false self that protects the lost self in Borderlines and Narcissists.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Transcribed
8 AUG 2024 · BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To Heal
BPD Breakup or discard is so painful and so confusing for so many people
who have, but may not realize it, Codependency. Getting into therapy andÂ
going no contact is the way to identify your codependent part in the dynamic
and to heal. Choose to no longer stay stuck in excessive obsessive focus on
the Borderline and what they did, why they did it because that focus will
keep the trauma bond in tact. You need to break that betrayal bond in order
to heal.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Transcribed
4 AUG 2024 · Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary Projection
People who are Quiet Borderlines, the Discouraged sub-type of BPD, when triggeredÂ
have a fawn/freeze response. They withdraw. You can't pull words out of them. They
don't hear you. They may take space, or ghost you in a patterned way, and you don't
get it. You are trying to understand what the quiet borderline is doing. Many with
Codependency think that it is the Quiet Borderline creating conflict when very often
that's not the case. They are re-experiencing "lack of self" as the introjected
persecutory object they were to a parent. People with Codependency need to understand
your (often unconscious) reactionary projection about a significant part of the conflict
that you experience and think is all coming from the person with Quiet BPD. Codependents
will benefit from stopping their own repetition compulsion of pursuit of a Quiet Borderline
who is deep inside re-experiencing inner persecution - they take on the role of theÂ
wounding parent or parents and that's not seeking conflict or any type of fight/flight.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Transcribed
14 JUL 2024 · Borderline Groundhog Day Repetition & Codependent FantasyÂ
Borderline Groundhog Day repetition compulsions are pretty much every day (untreated) and people with Codependency are still trying to change the Fantasy Bond. People with Codependency end up in the fantasy while (untreated) people with BPD live each day or most days as yet another groundhog day of their own unconscious repetition compulsions. Want or need to understand why your Borderline doesn't see you or hear you, devalues, blames you, feels like a victim and can't learn from the daily repetition compulsions cycles?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Transcribed
29 JUN 2024 · BPD Relationship or Breakup - Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?
An inauthentic Youtuber who prior to March 2024 had 63,000 subscribers and now has bought her way up to 150+ subscribers, and counting, did one of her usual fluff so called "deep dive" into this silly title, "Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?"
In my alternative for those who find it and will benefit from much more information and resonate with this podcast (episode) I identity the following about Codependency for so many that are in a relationship, are recycling a BPD Relationship, been ghosted and/or discarded by a partner or now Ex with BPD and who are suffering immeasurably and can't stop ruminating. Still stuck painfully in the cognitive dissonance of what happened. Many remain confused for months to years unable to break the trauma bond that you must break to heal and recover from the BPD Breakup and from Codependency. In this episode I explain the following:
- 4 Codependent Themes
- 15 Core Traits
- 15 Childhood Causes Â
- 7 Benefits of Professional Help in Recovery
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 34 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner...
show more
A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 34 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more.
show less
Information
| Author | Counsellor & Coach A.J. Mahari |
| Organization | Counsellor A.J. Mahari |
| Categories | Mental Health , Relationships , Self-Improvement |
| Website | - |
| ajmaharipodcasts@gmail.com |
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