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Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The...
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Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
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19 NOV 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 27 "The Anxious Pre-Occupied." In this insightful episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley delves into the intricate world of the anxious preoccupied (AP) attachment style, which she refers to as the “least common” attachment style she encounters in her practice. While many clients initially come to her thinking that they are AP, Dr. Hensley explains that they often turn out to be fearful avoidant (FA), but think they are AP becuase thier anxiety is heightened due to a dismissive partner. She begins by distinguishing the anxious preoccupied from the fearful avoidant attachment, emphasizing how their formation and behaviors differ.
Dr. Hensley provides a thorough explanation of the key factor behind the development of AP attachment: intermittent reinforcement. She describes how AP individuals often experienced inconsistent love and affection from one or both caregivers during childhood. This unpredictability created anxiety and a deep-seated fear of not knowing when they would receive the love they craved.
How AP Behaviors Show Up in Relationships
Dr. Hensley explains that anxious preoccupied behaviors in adulthood often stem from early coping mechanisms, including a fawning response. As children, they learned to please their caregivers to gain more consistent love and affection, which translates into adult tendencies of people-pleasing. During conflict, AP individuals often sacrifice their boundaries to maintain harmony and emotional safety, leaving them feeling as though their own needs are never met.
A central wound of the AP is the fear of abandonment. Dr. Hensley shares how this manifests as a need to keep peace at all costs, leading AP individuals to apologize even when they don’t know what they’re apologizing for. The toxic trait of codependency frequently appears in their relationships, with APs adopting the belief that “if you’re not okay, I’m not okay.” This fear of abandonment drives them to prioritize their partner’s emotional state over their own, further entrenching unhealthy dynamics.
Interestingly, Dr. Hensley notes that APs may sometimes appear dismissive or detached during conflict. However, this is not disassociation but rather a strategy to remain emotionally “safe” by staying silent. Internally, their nervous system is overwhelmed by intense emotions, but they struggle to release or process them.
Steps Toward Healing
Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts focus to practical strategies for AP individuals to heal and regain balance in their relationships. She emphasizes two foundational tools:
1. Setting and Maintaining Boundaries
AP individuals must learn to set clear, firm boundaries and resist the urge to self-abandon to please others.
2. Improving Communication
Dr. Hensley highlights the importance of speaking up and addressing dissatisfaction directly instead of resorting to passive-aggressive behaviors, which stem from their fear of abandonment.
By recognizing these patterns and intentionally shifting their behaviors, APs can move away from toxic submissiveness and toward healthier relational dynamics.
Why AP Is the Least Seen Attachment Style
As the episode nears its conclusion, Dr. Hensley shares why the anxious preoccupied is the least common attachment style in her practice. She attributes this to the AP’s deep-seated pride and belief that they can “fix” themselves and their relationships without outside help. AP individuals often tie their self-worth to the success of their relationships, perpetuating a cycle of self-reliance and resistance to professional support.
Listener Q&A: Can Attachment Styles Shift?
Dr. Hensley wraps up by answering a common question about attachment: Can someone shift from being AP to FA or DA? She clarifies that while all attachment styles share overlapping traits, it’s rare for a person to completely shift styles, except when progressing toward secure attachment. The core wounds of attachment are formed in childhood and cannot be undone, but healing is always possible.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with AP tendencies or seeking to understand the nuances of attachment in relationships. Dr. Hensley’s compassionate approach and actionable advice make this an empowering resource for personal growth.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout
Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder
Instagram: @the_dating_decoder
Facebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensley
What is covered:
·The behaviors of the Anxious Pre-Occupied.
.Intermittent Reinforcement as a key factor in the formulation of Anxious Pre-Occupied attachment style.
· How AP's show up in relationships.
·Steps towards healing Anxious Pre-Occupied Attachment.
.Why the Anxious Pre-Occupied is the least seen attachment style in Dr. Hensley's practice.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
·Do you think that you are Anxious Pre-Occupied when you may actually be Fearful Avoidant?
·Did you grow up with a fairly good childhood but feel like you got inconsistent love and affection from one or both of your caregivers?
.Are you self abadoning inside of your relationship?
·How can you start setting healthy boundries within your relationship and how can you start to stick to them?
.How can I learn to express my needs and wants within my relationship in a healthy and compassionate way?
.Do I need to seek help and intervention for my AP attachment style?
Transcribed
12 NOV 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
In episode 26, titled Radical Acceptance, Dr. Hensley delves into the powerful concept of radical acceptance and its impact on emotional well-being. She opens by defining radical acceptance as the practice of embracing reality without self-judgment, especially when it’s challenging. Dr. Hensley explains how shame can disrupt our nervous system, often fueling a sense of failure that persists despite outward success. Sharing her personal journey, she reflects on moments of feeling inadequate, even while balancing a thriving career and family life, describing times she felt she “dropped the ball” as a parent and business owner.
Drawing on insights from nervous system expert Dana Doswell from episode 19, Dr. Hensley underscores that how we approach our tasks, with grace and acceptance, is often more important than what we do. This foundation, she explains, is central to radical acceptance, where the practice becomes a conscious effort to recognize that one’s efforts are “enough,” even amid mistakes.
Throughout the episode, Dr. Hensley and Raina share real-life stories, touching on childhood experiences of shame. They highlight how fostering radical acceptance in children—around mistakes and natural bodily changes—helps build resilience. Dr. Hensley then explores why radical acceptance is particularly difficult for overachievers and perfectionists. These individuals often link their self-worth to being “the best,” struggling to relinquish control and falling into self-criticism when they cannot accomplish it all.
In a candid segment, Dr. Hensley and Raina discuss their own experiences grappling with radical acceptance of past relationships, particularly with their children’s fathers. Raina opens up about working through sexual shame from a past abusive relationship, acknowledging the growth in her journey to accept herself fully. Dr. Hensley explains that radical acceptance also means facing painful realities without minimizing their impact. It involves acknowledging trauma and choosing healing over victimhood, with radical acceptance serving as the foundation for this journey.
Finally, Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of accountability in relationships as a form of radical acceptance. Owning one’s mistakes and apologizing fosters authenticity and vulnerability, she explains, strengthening connections and creating a regulated nervous system. This journey of accountability and repair exemplifies radical acceptance as an honest acknowledgment of human fallibility—embracing, learning, and growing from each experience.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout
Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder
Instagram: @the_dating_decoder
Facebook: The Dating Decoder
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
What is covered:
*What is radical acceptance.
*How Dana Doswell, nervous system regulation expert, describes radical acceptance.
*The importance of fostering radical acceptance in our children.
*Why radical acceptance is so difficult for overachievers and perfectionist.
*Radical acceptance of past selves .
*Radical accountabilty equals radical acceptance.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
*Are you beating yourself up too often over things that are outside of your control?
*Are you able to recognize when you are not practicing acceptance and how it affects your nervous system?
*Are you an overachiever and perfectionist to the point where you are unable to reliquish control and properly delegate task?
*How can I practice radical acceptance of my past self?
*Can I start to take more radical accountability and radical acceptance inside of my romantic relationship?
Transcribed
5 NOV 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
In episode 25: “It’s a Capacity Issue,” Dr. Hensley takes listeners on an in-depth journey into the concept of building capacity, emphasizing that true change and healing require more than just awareness and understanding. She explains that building capacity is about bridging the gap between intellectual understanding and actionable change, which requires specific mediators between the pathways of knowledge and behavior.
Dr. Hensley begins by discussing the psychoeducation she provides in her group coaching programs to help participants develop this capacity. She underscores that awareness alone doesn’t create transformation; instead, certain mental and emotional tools are essential to support lasting change. One of the first components she covers is self-regulation, which she describes as the ability to bring the nervous system to a place of safety. This can be challenging, she notes, particularly for those carrying attachment wounds from childhood, which shape their responses in adulthood.
Using the dismissive avoidant (DA) attachment style as a key example, Dr. Hensley delves into how attachment wounds are formed and how those with DA tendencies can build capacity for change. She discusses how early experiences of suppression and dismissal impact the DA’s brain, leading them to default to a freeze response during conflict. This response reflects the limits of their nervous system’s capacity at that moment, which, though protective, often cuts off connection to their partner.
At the midpoint of the episode, Dr. Hensley introduces the tools she provides in her hybrid group coaching program, highlighting metacognition as a crucial skill. She teaches clients to recognize and dismantle their trigger cycles, tracing the journey from trigger to trauma response. By giving the nervous system new, healthier experiences, clients can begin to build new neural pathways that reinforce these changes, helping them gradually shift their patterns.
Dr. Hensley explains the science of neuroplasticity, emphasizing that everyone has the power to rewire their brains and reshape their behavior. However, she reminds listeners that the journey from awareness to actual change requires specific guidance and support.
In the episode’s conclusion, Dr. Hensley explores the concept of radical self-acceptance. She encourages listeners to meet themselves where they are to start creating a sense of safety within their nervous system, which is foundational to building capacity. She also shares more about her coaching services, explaining how each program can support individuals or couples in their journey of growth, healing, and connection.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout
Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder
Instagram: @the_dating_decoder
Facebook: The Dating Decoder
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
What is covered:
. What it means to build capacity.
·The difference in having awareness and knowledge versus true integration of changed behavior.
·The psychoeducation taught in Dr. Hensley's group services.
·Self regulation and what it means.
.The example of the Dismissive Avoidant and how they can start to build capacity.
.Metacognition and what it means.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
· Is your nervous system ready to start building capacity?
. Have you had time to process your wounds, build awarness and knowlege around them so that you can start to change the behavior associated with them?
. Are you practicing self regulation practices when triggered?
. How can I start recognizing my triggers and the trauma responses associated with them?
. How can I start attuning to my basic human needs and practicing radical self acceptance so that my nervous system can feel safe and I can start building better capcity for change?
Transcribed
29 OCT 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. In Episode 24: “Unoffendable” of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into a candid exploration of our modern, easily-offended culture and the toll it takes on our nervous systems and resilience. She reflects on how people today are quick to take offense at differing opinions, which often disrupts our emotional balance and has created a deeply divided society. While Dr. Hensley emphasizes that true atrocities—such as murder, sexual abuse, and human trafficking—should rightfully offend us all, she raises concerns about the rise in offense over differences in thought and belief. This, she argues, is eroding respect and open-mindedness in society.
Dr. Hensley introduces the importance of emotional resilience versus emotional suppression. She’s clear: she is not advocating for suppressing emotions but promoting emotional resilience. This means developing the capacity to accept others’ views, even when they differ from our own, without offense or alienation. She encourages introspection, urging listeners to question why certain things offend them. Offense, she explains, arises when we feel triggered or violated, highlighting the need for self-understanding as a way to manage these responses.
In a thought-provoking segment, Dr. Hensley explains Terror Management Theory, which suggests that when our values or identity feel threatened, it subconsciously evokes fear of mortality, making us feel defensive and offended. Her aim is to help listeners understand that choosing offense can narrow our minds and breed hate, especially in the age of online exchanges where it’s easy to react harshly from behind a screen.
Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley emphasizes that these principles are vital in our closest relationships—particularly with partners, family, and friends. Constant offense, she warns, can rob us of joy and precious time. Instead, she encourages a spirit of curiosity, asking listeners to lean into understanding rather than immediate judgment. By challenging not just others’ thoughts but our own, we can foster genuine connection and potentially gain new insights.
As Dr. Hensley wraps up Episode 24: “Unoffendable”, she drives home the importance of looking inward. She advocates for listeners to pause and reflect on why certain things offend them, encouraging them to get curious about others’ points of view rather than reacting. By exploring differing perspectives, she suggests, we can gain valuable insight into our own beliefs and responses. Her hope is that this practice can foster greater empathy and understanding, ultimately helping to bridge divides and bring us closer together in a more united world. This episode serves as both a challenge and a reminder from Dr. Hensley to practice resilience, self-reflection, and compassion in a world quick to divide. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · The spirit of offense in today's culture. · The toll that being easily offended takes on the nervous system. · The importance of creating grit and curiosity in our children so that can be open minded to others points of view. · What happens when we become offended. . Terror Management Theory. What is it and how does it apply to offensiveness. . The importance of gaining control and clarity around our offensivness within our most imtimate relationships. Consider/Ask Yourself: · Are you becoming too easily offended? · Are you able to recognize when you are offended and how it affects your day to day life? · How can I create more grit and curiosity within myself in order to teach my children the same practices? . How am I allowing offensivness to affect my most important relationships, and in turn how is it affecting my body and mind? . How can I gain more insight around why certain things offend me?
Transcribed
22 OCT 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 23 “Raising Secure Children,” Dr. Hensley delves into how attachment theory is not just relevant to romantic relationships but also plays a critical role in parenting. She explains that our attachment styles directly affect our children’s attachment styles, which can shape how they choose romantic partners in the future. Dr. Hensley emphasizes that achieving your own attachment security is essential for raising secure children. The episode begins with Dr. Hensley reflecting on what she would have done differently as a parent, starting with the importance of choosing the right partner. She highlights that secure individuals tend to attract secure partners, while insecure individuals often attract others with insecure attachment styles. Dr. Hensley notes that this choice of partner not only influences attachment but also affects overall life happiness and success. Raina shares a personal story about how triggers from a past relationship impacted her parenting recently. She discusses a situation where her unresolved emotional pain affected her interaction with her son. Raina describes the guilt she felt but focuses on the repair process, where she admitted her mistake to her son and explained that she is still working through her own challenges. Dr. Hensley stresses that mistakes in parenting are inevitable, but secure parenting lies in how we repair those mistakes—similar to how conflicts are resolved in romantic relationships. Dr. Hensley goes on to explain that our nervous systems remember trauma, which is why repairing emotional rifts with children is crucial. Children constantly seek emotional safety from their caregivers, so it’s important to show them that parents are human while ensuring that they don’t remain dysregulated or uncertain about the stability of the relationship. Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of teaching children how to regulate their emotions and modeling accountability when parents make mistakes. She also discusses parenting tactics she would avoid, starting with the “cry-it-out” method. Dr. Hensley admits she used this method with her first child but now challenges the approach, arguing that it can negatively impact a child’s nervous system and attachment security. She critiques sleep training specialists who promote this tactic, citing the scientific connection between crying it out and attachment insecurity. Another parenting pitfall Dr. Hensley would avoid is dismissing or punishing a child’s emotions. She explains that phrases like “You’re fine” or “Get over it” can invalidate a child’s feelings and hinder their emotional development. Instead, she recommends guiding children through the process of understanding and labeling their emotions, which aids in emotional regulation and prevents suppressing feelings, which can lead to avoidant attachment. Dr. Hensley provides a real-life example of how she helps her daughter process big emotions, emphasizing the importance of validating a child’s experiences. As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley talks about teaching children how to feel and energetically move their emotions through their bodies. This practice, she says, is key to mood regulation, physiological health, and helping children develop a deeper awareness of their bodies. She also underscores the value of teaching children to set boundaries confidently so they grow up knowing how to prioritize their own needs and desires, rather than becoming people-pleasers. The episode wraps up with a discussion about the importance of teaching accountability. Dr. Hensley encourages parents to show children how to apologize sincerely, without shifting blame or including excuses. Raina and Dr. Hensley conclude by reiterating the significance of parents working on their own attachment security to model healthy, secure behavior for their children. They emphasize that it’s never too late to start teaching children what secure attachment looks like and how to nurture it. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · How attachment plays a role in how we parent our children. · The importance of choosing the correct partner to have or raise children with. · The importance of how we repair emotional situations with our children · The importance of teaching children emotional regulation. . Things Dr. Hensley would have done different or would never do on her quest to raising secure children. . The importance of reaching your own attachment security in order to raise secure children. Consider/Ask Yourself: · Are you allowing your own attachment wounds to influence how you parent your children? · Is your relationship with your current or ex partner influencing how you parent your children? · How can I start attuning to my children's emotional needs better? . Am I dismissing or even punishing my children's emotions at times? . Am I teaching my children how to set appropriate boundries and how to take accountability?
Transcribed
15 OCT 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 22 – “Our Walks with God” In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Hensley and Raina take a deep dive into their personal faith journeys and how they became the strong Christian women they are today. They start by addressing the backlash they’ve received for speaking openly about their faith in previous episodes and dedicate this entire episode to explaining why their faith is so important. Right from the beginning, they provide a disclaimer, encouraging listeners who may not be interested in the topic to skip this episode without judgment. However, they also invite anyone who is curious about how people, including them, develop such strong faith to stay and listen. Dr. Hensley draws powerful connections between psychology and spirituality, highlighting how many psychological principles have roots in the Bible. She shares her belief that God speaks to us through our thoughts and that while He doesn’t interfere with free will, He gives us the chance every day to align with Him or with opposing forces. The episode then shifts to their personal stories, with both women reflecting on their upbringings. They also openly admit that their faith hasn’t always been easy. They discuss their past struggles, often questioning God’s existence, and wondering why bad things happen to good people. Dr. Hensley offers a candid, human perspective on these questions. Midway through, Dr. Hensley shares a transformative experience from a “Be in Health” retreat where she underwent deliverance. Initially skeptical and fearful, she describes how deliverance healed her from pain and debilitating vestibular migraines, leaving her feeling like a new person. This experience also deepened her understanding of the connection between spirituality, physiology, and psychology. To wrap up, Dr. Hensley delves into how her healing experience led her to explore the psychology of healing, uncovering profound parallels between the two disciplines. She emphasizes her practice’s inclusivity, where clients are welcome to choose between Christian or secular approaches to coaching, stressing the importance of acceptance and respect for all faiths. This episode is a vulnerable and insightful look into the personal walks of faith that have shaped these two women’s lives and their work. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · How each host experienced religion and spirtuality growing up. · Emphasized acceptance if you prefer to not listen to this episode. · The parallels between spirtuality and psychology. · Each host personal story of how and when their fiath shifted. . Deliverance and how Dr. Hensley personally experienced it through "Be In Health" a personal retreat that she attended that healed her pain and changed her life. . The importance of acceptance and how Dr. Hensley practices both a secular and spirtual coaching strategy for her clients. She allows the client to choose which they prefer. Consider/Ask Yourself: · Are you allowing your personal upbrining around faith to interfere with your relationship with God. · Even if you aren't a Christian, is this episode worth listening to in order to explore a deeper understanding around faith? · How can I start seeing the similarites in psychology and spirtuality, and how can I combine the two to make my relationships stronger? . Am I afraid to be on fire about my faith for fear of turning people away? . Regardless of my faith perspective, could Dr. Hensley's coaching strategies be right for me?
Transcribed
8 OCT 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 21: "Pop Psychology is Not Psychology." In this episode, Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher break down several misconceptions and misuses of psychological concepts that are often spread through social media and pop culture.
- “Not everyone you dislike is a narcissist.” Dr. Hensley explains how narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is difficult to diagnose and measure, primarily because individuals with NPD are often manipulative and lack self-awareness. NPD exists on a spectrum, and while some people may show narcissistic traits, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have NPD. She encourages listeners to revisit episode 10, “Are They a Narcissist?” to learn the differences between narcissistic traits and attachment insecurities.
- “Not every unpleasant experience is trauma.” Trauma is highly nuanced and specific to each individual’s perception and experience. Labeling every unpleasant event as trauma can actually undermine one’s nervous system and create a victim mentality. Dr. Hensley and Raina discuss how their generation has raised children with an aversion to all discomfort, resulting in a generation with poor coping skills. Dr. Hensley advocates for attachment-based parenting and shares tools she used with her own children, emphasizing the importance of teaching regulation as a foundation for resilience.
- “Having needs does not make you co-dependent.” Dr. Hensley breaks down the difference between expressing needs and being co-dependent. Raina shares a personal story about her son and his young relationship, illustrating that stating your needs doesn’t make you a bad partner—sacrificing them to keep the peace, however, may indicate co-dependency.
- “Disagreeing does not mean someone is gaslighting you.” Disagreements are a normal part of communication, and differing perspectives don’t necessarily equate to gaslighting. Dr. Hensley explains that people view reality through their own lenses, shaped by experiences and upbringing. Just because someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean they are trying to manipulate you; they may simply be trying to convey their reality.
- “Not all conflict is abuse.” The hosts tackle the misconception that any form of conflict is abusive. Dr. Hensley highlights that voice inflation is a normal part of heated discussions and does not equate to abuse. She shares her own boundaries around conflict in her marriage, such as not tolerating yelling, cursing, physical aggression, or threatening divorce. Through her personal experiences, Dr. Hensley gives listeners a clearer picture of what abuse actually looks like.
- “Taking offense is not being triggered.” Being unoffendable is a key skill for regulating attachment insecurities. Dr. Hensley explains that being offended by someone’s words on social media doesn’t mean you’re being triggered. Understanding what a true trigger is—something that activates deep-seated trauma or unresolved issues—is crucial for emotional regulation.
- “Everything does not need to be normalized.” “Normal as in common does not always mean normal as in healthy,” Dr. Hensley states. The hosts discuss the societal push to “normalize” things that may not be healthy, sometimes confusing social acceptance with psychological wellness. Dr. Hensley emphasizes that some behaviors we try to normalize might be indicative of mental illness.
- “Speaking like an HR memo is not self-awareness.” Dr. Hensley shares a personal anecdote about falling into “teacher mode” in her own marriage and how her husband has to call her on it. She then realizes that it creates distance rather than connection. Speaking in an authoritative or clinical tone, even with good intentions, can come across as detached and lack vulnerability. Dr. Hensley wraps up by advising listeners to seek professionals who are well-versed in real psychological principles. She warns against the proliferation of self-proclaimed experts on the internet and encourages her audience to research credentials and ensure they’re working with someone who has the proper education and expertise. Tune in to this episode for a thought-provoking discussion on the difference between genuine psychological understanding and the oversimplified “pop psychology” narratives that dominate social media. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · What is pop psychology. · Not everyone you dislike is a narcissit. · Not every unpleasant experience is trauma. · Having needs does not make you co-dependent. · Disagreeing does not mean someone is gaslighting you. . Not all conflict is abuse . Taking offense is not being triggered. . Everything does not need to be normalized. . Speaking like an HR memo is not self-awareness. . The importance of finding trained and educated professionals in the field of psychology that can help you on your healing journey. Consider/Ask Yourself: · Are you allowing pop psychology to influence your feelings? · How is social media influencing your ideas and knowledge around mental health? · How can you take each of the topics discussed in this episode and digest them to ensure you are not allowing pop psychology to influence the way you feel and act? . Are you seeking out credible resources and doing your due diligence when it comes to finding the correct mental health professional?
Transcribed
1 OCT 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 20: "Taking Back Your Personal Power." In this compelling episode, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the concept of personal power, highlighting that no one can truly "take" our power; instead, we often surrender it, many times without realizing we’re doing so. Dr. Hensley explains that certain relationship dynamics, especially those involving a narcissist or a dismissive avoidant, are more prone to creating a sense of lost power for one partner. Dr. Hensley gives an example used by a fellow influencer, called "The Namless Narcissit" Narcissists, how he explains that narcissiste don’t try to control to achieve specific outcomes but rather as a way to prove to themselves that they can. This creates a dictatorial dynamic where the partner being dictated to often feels powerless and trapped. Dr. Hensley shares a vulnerable moment from her own life, discussing a recent experience where she found herself feeling desperate to regain her own sense of power. Admitting to returning to therapy, she explores the ruminating thoughts and the reasons behind her perceived loss of power. She emphasizes the importance of finding a good therapist—one who doesn’t reinforce victimhood but instead helps clients understand that surrendering power is ultimately a choice. Therapists should challenge clients to take ownership of their decisions and help them reclaim their autonomy. Dr. Hensley then explores how different attachment styles manifest in relation to personal power. She notes that dismissive avoidants are typically the ones dictating the tone of the relationship and rarely visibly surrender their power. In contrast, anxious attachment styles, such as anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant who lean anxious, are more likely to give up their personal power, leading to increased anxiety and emotional turmoil. As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley discusses what a healthy balance of power looks like in relationships. She outlines three key components of balanced power: (1) both partners taking personal accountability for their behaviors, (2) avoiding blame-shifting, and (3) not getting trapped in rumination or self-pity. Furthermore, maintaining a balance of power includes equitable distribution of daily responsibilities and the ability to pick up slack without building resentment. When both partners can approach these behaviors with mutual respect, grace, and humility, the power dynamics within the relationship remain balanced, fostering a healthy and thriving partnership. To wrap up, both Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher share personal anecdotes about reclaiming their power and using failed relationships as opportunities for growth. They emphasize that taking back one’s power means being secure in who you are and setting boundaries that limit access to oneself to only those who are willing to reciprocate honor, love, and respect. Ultimately, reclaiming personal power is about stepping into your authentic self and reinforcing your self-worth in every relationship dynamic. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · The difference in someone taking your personal power and surrendering it. · The most prevelant relationship dynamic where one partner feels a loss of personal power. · The importance of therapy, specifically good therapy, where the therapist does not reinforce victimhood, but instead helps you understand that surrendering personal power is a choice. . How the different attachment styles surrender thier personal power. . What a healthy balance of power looks like in relationships. . Real life examples from both host on how they reclaimed thier personal power after failed relationships. Consider/Ask Yourself · Are you choosing to surrender your personal power? · How are you losing your personal power based on your attachment style? . In what ways are you and your partner balancing power dynamics in your relationship? · Is staying in a state of victimhood stripping you of your personal power? . How can you reclaim your personal power and once and for all become securely attached?
Transcribed
24 SEP 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 19: "Nervous System Regulation with expert guest Dana Doswell." In this powerful episode, Dr. Hensley welcomes special guest Dana Doswell, a nervous system expert and mentor. Dr. Hensley begins by sharing how much she’s learned from Dana’s expertise in nervous system regulation, expressing deep gratitude for the transformative knowledge that has not only enhanced her personal life but also strengthened her professional practice. Dana takes us back to the beginning of her journey, explaining how she first became aware of her own low-level nervous system dysregulation. Like many high-functioning, successful individuals, Dana describes how she went through life ignoring the signals her body was sending her—until a complete nervous system collapse forced her to seek help. She candidly discusses how traditional talk therapy only provided short-term relief, leading her to explore deeper interventions. Her search led her to discover polyvagal theory, which became a turning point in her healing journey. Dana delves into how she realized the disorganization of her nervous system and how somatic work—integrating the body into the healing process—became essential. This discovery ignited her passion for studying evolution, psychology, neuroscience, and somatic healing, which she applied directly to her own life with profound results. Dr. Hensley then shares her parallel journey, explaining how her personal experiences similarly inspired her to dive into spiritual, somatic, and nervous system healing, eventually shaping her work to help others heal. Dana highlights one of the most profound lessons she learned in her studies: the impact of shame on the nervous system. She discusses in detail how shame, particularly within the context of religion and basic bodily functions, deeply affects our bodies and behavior. Dana emphasizes the need to acknowledge our basic physiological needs and accept our "animalistic" nature, a fundamental step in healing an overtaxed nervous system that’s often overlooked. She further explores the concept of "functional freeze," a state many high-functioning people find themselves in. Because high performers often attach their self-worth to their productivity and intelligence, they struggle with feelings of failure when they try to rest, triggering nervous system dysregulation. The conversation then turns to the topic of retraumatization and the role that rumination plays in nervous system imbalance. Dana provides practical, step-by-step guidance on how to address rumination from a somatic perspective, offering techniques to locate and resource the feelings in different parts of the body. Dana concludes by sharing that the best way to understand and regulate your nervous system is through relationships—whether that’s with a partner, yourself, or even objects in your environment. She explains how every relationship has a "flavor," and that flavor influences how your nervous system responds. Dr. Hensley wraps up the episode by highlighting that the key to nervous system regulation is to deshame your experiences. Both women express their gratitude for the conversation, and Dr. Hensley shares ways for listeners to connect with Dana on social media. This episode is rich in insights on nervous system health, offering valuable tools for both personal and relational healing. You can find Dana Doswell, Nervous System Regulation Expert & Mentor on social media @danadozzyy or see all her services at https://www.danadozzy.com. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · Dana's background and how she became an expert and mentor with nervous system regulation. · How her learnings of somatic healing and the polyvagal theory played a big role in her own nervous system healing journey. · The role that shame plays on nervous system deregulation. . How high functioning, successful people sometimes end up in functional freeze and nervous system collapse. . Why and how rumination is such a large component of nervous system deregulation and how to deal with it. . The impact that realtionships with everything around you have on the nervous system. Consider/Ask Yourself · Are you acknowledging and meeting your basic physiological needs like when you have to use the bathroom, or when you are thirsty or hungry? · How are you allowing shame into your life in turn disregulating your nervous system? . Are you experiencing some level of functional freeze? · What flavor are you giving to the relationships to the people and things around you? . How can I seek help and safety to heal my nervous system once and for all?
Transcribed
17 SEP 2024 · Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 18: "How to Handle the Haters." Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher respond to their first negative podcast review. The criticism accused them of only discussing heterosexual relationships and being overly focused on their Christian faith. Dr. Hensley addresses this by clarifying that attachment theory is a universal framework, unaffected by gender or sexual orientation. Whether in same-sex or opposite-sex relationships, attachment behaviors remain consistent. Though both women have shared their own experiences as heterosexuals, they emphasize their inclusivity of all genders and sexual orientations. Raina also humorously addresses a claim in the review regarding her husband’s influence over her reproductive choices, setting the record straight that such decisions are entirely her own. Both hosts laughed at the assumption and used the moment to assert their independence. The episode then tackles the criticism about the role of Christianity in their podcast. Dr. Hensley acknowledges her faith but explains that she provides both spiritual and secular approaches in her coaching, respecting the beliefs of her clients. She asserts that while her faith is part of her identity, it doesn’t dictate her coaching unless requested by the client. The conversation then shifts toward how to handle negative comments or "haters" in general. Dr. Hensley ties this to attachment security, highlighting the importance of not internalizing others' judgments. She shares personal stories of dealing with criticism and emphasizes the power of showing up authentically. She explains that secure attachment allows people to accept rejection without it affecting their self-worth, and that curiosity toward others' negative behavior can often reveal their own insecurities and pain. The episode concludes with Dr. Hensley’s advice: Don’t let the haters dictate your emotional state, and choose joy despite negativity. By embracing secure attachment, listeners can free themselves from being offended by the ignorance and hate of others. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · The negative review and how it affected both Raina and Dr. Hensley. · Setting the record straight on the comments in the negative review. · How attachment insecurites are not gender specific, nor sexual orientation specific. . How Dr. Hensley approaches her Chritian perspective within her practice. . The importance on achieving your attachment security when dealing with haters and/or offensiveness. Consider/Ask Yourself · How are you allowing others to dictate your joy based on what they may say or think about you? · How often are you allowing people who may differ from you to offend you? . How can you lean into people with more curiosity versus reactivity? · Are you allowing someones narrative of you to ruminate in your own thoughts? . Do I need Dr. Hensley and her resources to achieve my attachment security?
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The...
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Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
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Information
| Author | Dr. Sarah Hensley |
| Organization | Dr. Sarah Hensley |
| Categories | Self-Improvement , Relationships , Education |
| Website | www.spreaker.com |
| datingdecodercoach@gmail.com |
Copyright 2024 - Spreaker Inc. an iHeartMedia Company
