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By now, you are most likely aware of narcissistic behavior being grandiose, egotistical and charming. If many of us can describe a narcissistic person, then how do we fall into unhealthy relationships with people that have zero concern for our happiness or well being? If you’ve experienced a relationship with a narcissistic person or happen to be currently living through narcissistic abuse then you are familiar with the frustration, the gaslighting, and feeling totally lost on how to end it or get out of the relationship. There are very clear traps narcissists use to keep hold of the people they want to control. Dr. Ramani Durvasula is an expert in narcissism and clinical psychologist. She is also a repeat guest on the show, joining Lisa for the third time. She’s breaking down all the ways narcissists are trying to trap you, how to heal from narcissistic abuse to move on, and how to create better boundaries and a plan for revenge.

SHOW NOTES:

Feeling Lost | What does moving on from a narcissistic relationship look like [1:02]
5 Traps to Avoid | Dr. Ramani breaks down 5 traps in narcissistic relationships [5:39]
Hoovering Trap | A powerplay tactic narcissist use to suck you in after you’ve left [9:38]
Avoid Enablers | Dr. Ramani explains how enablers make it harder to walk away [11:44]
The Hope Trap | Dr. Ramani reveals how narcissist trigger hope to keep you baited [13:44]
Trapped by Guilt | When vulnerable narcissists trap with the belief you can save them [15:24]
Responsibility | Dr. Ramani on why responsibility of being treated poorly is not on you [17:27]
Trauma Bonding | Why people hold onto the good things in bad relationships explained [21:47]
Breaking Triggers | Dr. Ramani explains why being alone for a whole year is necessary [25:35]
Danger of Control | Why controlling what someone wears is a dangerous dynamic [35:53]
Be Cherished | Dr. Ramani reveals why being cherished over desired is important [38:37]
Rebuilding Trust | Why it’s hard to rebuild trust for with yourself and tips for progress [42:00]
Boundaries | Dr. Ramani’s tips for setting boundaries when you don’t feel safe [55:21]
Revenge | Dr. Ramani explains the best form of revenge against a narcissist [57:25]
Self Efficacy | Dr. Ramani reveals how to heal from narcissistic abuse with indifference [1:04:38]

QUOTES:

“The hope is around, you are a better navigator of your own life, and you had the wisdom to extract the lessons from this really difficult experience.” [5:07]

“You can retain your empathy and compassion, and you can also preserve yourself, and your job on this earth is not to rescue another capable adult. That responsibility lies on them.” [17:03]

“Even if you try to teach them how you want to be treated, they ain't listening because they have no empathy. They don't care. You're merely an object to get them what they need.” [20:08]

“That time and becoming reacquainted while you're not in a relationship is where you find out that your legs can stand on their own.” [32:04]

“It's not just about the trust of the other, it's about that you have the right to set a boundary, and that's about trusting yourself.” [46:45]

“You may not be able to like, boom, set this line in the sand with this person, but that doesn't mean you have to sit here quietly and endure an uncomfortable situation, you can give yourself permission to leave, and it ain't your job to school that person anyhow.” [56:06]

“If you can think of revenge as you being your best self that shuts everybody down.” [59:04]


Follow Dr. Ramani:
Website: http://doctor-ramani.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/DoctorRamanDurvasula
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DoctorRamani
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doctorramani
Podcast: http://doctor-ramani.com/podcasts-feat-dr-ramani/