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So many women have problems with boundaries. If you are fortunate enough to have thought through what boundaries you should have in place, you may lack the skill and discipline you need to uphold them. Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and female empowerment expert. She is turning the conversation of boundaries on its head and revealing the key players running defense against your best efforts to create stronger and healthier boundaries. Whether your boundaries have been too laxed or too rigid, Terri is spotlighting the importance of your relationship with yourself and why boundaries have to start with knowing your preferences, your desires, and your limits. Boundaries are more about you than the people around you. If you’ve been struggling with boundaries, there’s a good chance you’re frustrated with the people you love, you’re feeling exhausted, unappreciated and overly sacrificing yourself and it’s making you resentful. Take a moment, sit down, and open up for some self-reflection time with Terri and Lisa.

Take Terri’s Boundary Quiz: https://boundaryquiz.com/

Check out Terri’s new book, Boundary Boss: https://www.amazon.com/Boundary-Boss-Essential-Guide-Finally/dp/1683647688

SHOW NOTES:

Assessing Boundaries | How corrupted boundaries affect you and ways to assess them [1:30]
Self-Abandoning | Prioritizing needs and wants of others over what's true and right for you [4:37]
Codependency | Terri on what high-functioning codependency looks like for women [5:26]
Awareness is Key | Why being radically curious without judgment is the key to boundaries [8:50]
Guilt-Free Boundaries | Why helping isn’t a help and how it hurts the one you love [13:57]
Obligation-Free | Terri shares how important it is to recognize boundary issues [17:52]
Boundary Violators | How to take small steps to uphold and honor your boundaries [20:40]
Know Yourself | Why it’s important to know your preferences, limits, and deal breakers [23:22]
Self-Love & Giving | Terri on what self-love is and how it’s a way of life not a feeling [26:10]
People Pleaser | Strategies to stop the automatic ‘yes’ and start healthy boundaries [30:10]
Type of Boundaries | Terri explains physical, material, emotional, & mental boundaries [33:49]
Rigid vs. Non-Negotiable | Understanding what deal breaker boundaries for you [39:35]
Boundary Consequences | Steps to take in relationships enforcing boundary violations [42:44]
Stay in Your Lane | Terri discusses importance of respecting other people’s boundaries [50:12]
Indecision | Terri reveals what indecisiveness really says about your situation [55:54]

QUOTES:

“Women have a tendency to over give, and let’s be honest about how we were raised, most of us were raised and praised for being self-abandoning [and] codependent.” [4:37]

“But, what is codependency? It is you being overly invested in the feeling states, the outcomes, the circumstances, the relationships of the people in your life to the detriment of your internal peace…” [7:05]

“It is wrong, emotionally, to think that we have the answers for others.” [15:58]

“You must know your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal breakers because those are the things that not only make up your boundaries, they also make up who you are.” [23:22]

“Giving is love, over giving is dysfunctional.” Terri Cole quote read by Lisa Bilyeu [26:10]

“...it’s less of a feeling and more of a way of life that is evidenced in your relationships, your boundaries, your self-care, how well you negotiate for your own needs. That is what self love is.” [26:21]

“If you are not rocking this kind of self-love where you’re taking care of yourself first, you really don’t have that much to give to others because what we’re seeking from others they cannot provide because it’s an inside job.” [28:28]

“When you’re saying yes when you really want to say no, that isn’t being nice, that’s just being dishonest. So, how can anyone ever authentically love you if you never allow them to authentically know you.” [29:48]

“When you have healthy emotional boundaries you're not easily guilted by others. You also don’t blame others for your life, your choices, and what you’ve done.” [36:33]

“We don’t just learn how to say no, we learn how to accept someone else’s no and talk about that.” [51:09]

“No matter where you are stuck in your life, if you can reveal the unobvious gain you’re getting, unconsciously, by staying stuck, it makes it so much easier to get unstuck.” [57:37]

Follow Terri Cole:
Website: https://www.terricole.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-OC1zN27enpTA_eNWB7dKw
Podcast: https://www.terricole.com/podcast/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/terri_cole
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terricole/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TerriColeLCSW/